I know that the title of this can be misleading. I want to make it clear what I meant. I REALLY truly hate kids. Not mine of course, but yours I hate. OK, hate is a strong word. I REALLY truly dislike kids. I know exactly what you are thinking... how does a magician hate kids? Well... I am a magician, not a clown. I am a professional sleight of hand close-up magician. I say the word magic and people immediately assume that I want to entertain their 4 year old at his birthday party with 10 other 4 year olds and make balloon animals. Nope, nada, not happening, not this guy. So... why do I agree to do magic for kids? Because I am dumb, and I have a high threshold for pain. Seriously... I even perform a trick at the start of my show called "I hate kids." Every performance I do for kids I come home and tell DeShelle that I am never doing another kids show again. And then some school calls and once again I lack the ability to say no.
I guess now is the part where I tell you that being married for a second time means that I have inherited 4 more kids. Bringing the grand total to 8. 5 of which are teens. The other 3 are 12, 11, and 4. So, how do things flow at our home? Pretty dang well. We are so blessed to have great kids. They get along splendidly with each other and I really believe that they are all friends. This doesn't mean that I like any of them, but I am glad that we have them.
One of the hardest parts about bringing the two families together is the timing of the kids. Especially the teens. Life is busy. Life is hard. There are many things that pull us in different directions, but never more so than when you are a teen. There is always something going on in their lives. Be it a dance, a date, a concert, a play, or even a sporting event, there is always something. For me, this has been a difficult balancing act. I want my kids to enjoy themselves, but I miss seeing them each day and interacting with them. Only having them every other weekend is super hard for me, so when things come up I want to say "No, you can't do that because I want to spend time with you." Unfortunately I know that is not how it works. That, for me, has been the roughest transition in this process. Even more so than DeShelle's incessant snoring, but that is another blog entry. :)
I think one of the best things DeShelle and I have going is that we both have pretty good ex's. It's hard to be married. It's hard to be divorced. It is hard to have an ex that will always be there because of the kids. My ex has never once tried to keep my kids from me, and that makes me so happy and so grateful. DeShelle's ex lives close and is very involved with her kids as well. In the juggling act that is called second marriage, this is a great blessing for both of us. Yes it is hard, but I think we are all doing pretty darn good at it.
It's hard being a step-dad. Jackson, Mariah, Jalyn and Shane are great. THEY don't make it hard. It is just hard for me to know my place at times. I think this is super normal for all step parents. I remember eating pie with DeShelle and Mariah one night at a restaurant. The server made a comment to Mariah about eating out with her parents and she was quick to point out "He is NOT my dad." I made a joke out of it and told the server that "she was NOT my daughter." We can laugh about it now, and I am glad that these 4 kids have a good dad, and that I get to be a cheerleader for them on their journey. I am fortunate enough to have 4 amazing kids of my own that have a good mother and an awesome step-mom.
I want all 8 of my kids (both original flavor and step flavor) to know that I love them. I miss them when they aren't around. I think of them often and pray for them each day. They all hold a very special place in my heart, which is pretty great considering that I hate kids. :)
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