We met!

On Saturday, April 13 we met.

We texted throughout the day. I was at my son's soccer game, he was working out of town. He would tell me when he got a sale, I would tell him when my son scored. Conversation was fun and I was really looking forward to our date.

He suggested that we meet for dinner at 8pm at The Melting Pot in downtown Salt Lake City. I was impressed that he suggested such a venue but also a little nervous. This wasn't a 20-minute meet-for-cocoa first date. Dinner at The Melting Pot can take quite a while. There are so many courses. What if the conversation lagged? What if we didn't get along in person? Online personas can translate very differently in reality. That is why I have never been a fan of long-distance relationships and I was surprised how many people in the "singles world" considered themselves committed to a person they had never physically met. I couldn't do it. I need to know you. I need to hear the jokes and comments in person. I need to hear it and see it in HIS voice. I was pretty quick to agree to dates when I met someone online. The online dating site is only the venue, the vehicle to meet someone. The relationship needs to happen in person for me.

I was excited to meet MagicMan007 or Z Phillip or whatever his name was.

At 8pm, I arrived at The Melting Pot and was greeted by a good-looking bald man who stood from the waiting bench to shake my hand. I always chuckle at that greeting. He SHOOK my hand! I know it was our first time meeting, I realize it was his first date since his divorce, but a HAND SHAKE? We had hit it off in our conversations. I thought a quick hug would have been in order. I just teased him a bit about it. It felt so comfortable immediately.

Side note...this is why I made him a contributor to the blog. We need both perspectives. :)

As he stuck out his hand he said, "Hi, I'm Zane."

We sat for a minute and talked baseball while we waited for our table. He likes the Braves, I like any other team but the Braves. He checked his Fantasy Baseball line-up, I teased him about it. It wasn't like any other first date. It felt so comfortable.

We were called to our table and he led the way. Oh man, I loved the way he walked. Is that weird? It might be a little weird but the way a person walks is very telling to me. He was attractive, he dressed nice, he had a great, athletic walk...I had high hopes for the evening.

About 45 minutes into our date, Zane gets a text from his friend to see how it was going. Zane must have been enjoying himself because there didn't turn out to be a "family emergency". We laughed about that. I joked that I was going to do it but HE REALLY DID IT!

April 13, 2013: I knew my future was changing for the better.

We should meet...

It was getting late and MagicMan007 had to work early the next morning. We needed to wrap up our IM session on ldssingles.com. This is close to  how the conversation went:

MagicMan007: This has been fun. I don't know protocol of online dating so I am not sure what to do next.

deshelleb: We should meet.

MagicMan007: I don't have my kids tomorrow night. How about dinner?

deshelleb: That sounds great.

MagicMan007: Why don't I pick you up around 7:30pm?

deshelleb: Woah, back up, AX MURDERER! You obviously don't know protocol. How about instead of you picking me up, where I live (so that you know where to come back to kidnap and kill me), we meet in a well-lit place with lots of people around. About 20 minutes into the date, I will get a text from a good friend asking if things are okay. If I think you are weird, I will have a "family emergency" and we will both know what that means.

MagicMan007: Well, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I will also have a friend text me 20 minutes into the date and if YOU are weird, I will have a "family emergency" and we will both know what that means.

Finally, he was figuring out protocol of the online dating scene.

But I still didn't know his name...

deshelleb: So, I don't even know your real name.

MagicMan007: Do you want my stage name, what my mom calls me, or what my friends call me?

deshelleb: I guess I will go with what your mom calls you.

MagicMan007: Z Phillip

deshelleb: Okay, Z Phillip, I will see you tomorrow night. I am looking forward to it.



April 13, 2013: We had our first date.

I hate kids...

I know that the title of this can be misleading.  I want to make it clear what I meant.  I REALLY truly hate kids.  Not mine of course, but yours I hate.  OK, hate is a strong word.  I REALLY truly dislike kids.  I know exactly what you are thinking... how does a magician hate kids?  Well... I am a magician, not a clown.  I am a professional sleight of hand close-up magician.  I say the word magic and people immediately assume that I want to entertain their 4 year old at his birthday party with 10 other 4 year olds and make balloon animals.  Nope, nada, not happening, not this guy.  So... why do I agree to do magic for kids?  Because I am dumb, and I have a high threshold for pain.  Seriously... I even perform a trick at the start of my show called "I hate kids."  Every performance I do for kids I come home and tell DeShelle that I am never doing another kids show again.  And then some school calls and once again I lack the ability to say no.

I guess now is the part where I tell you that being married for a second time means that I have inherited 4 more kids.  Bringing the grand total to 8.  5 of which are teens.  The other 3 are 12, 11, and 4.  So, how do things flow at our home?  Pretty dang well.  We are so blessed to have great kids.  They get along splendidly with each other and I really believe that they are all friends.  This doesn't mean that I like any of them, but I am glad that we have them.

One of the hardest parts about bringing the two families together is the timing of the kids.  Especially the teens.  Life is busy.  Life is hard.  There are many things that pull us in different directions, but never more so than when you are a teen.  There is always something going on in their lives.  Be it a dance, a date, a concert, a play, or even a sporting event, there is always something.  For me, this has been a difficult balancing act.  I want my kids to enjoy themselves, but I miss seeing them each day and interacting with them.  Only having them every other weekend is super hard for me, so when things come up I want to say "No, you can't do that because I want to spend time with you."  Unfortunately I know that is not how it works.  That, for me, has been the roughest transition in this process.  Even more so than DeShelle's incessant snoring, but that is another blog entry.  :)

I think one of the best things DeShelle and I have going is that we both have pretty good ex's.  It's hard to be married.  It's hard to be divorced.  It is hard to have an ex that will always be there because of the kids.  My ex has never once tried to keep my kids from me, and that makes me so happy and so grateful.  DeShelle's ex lives close and is very involved with her kids as well.  In the juggling act that is called second marriage, this is a great blessing for both of us.  Yes it is hard, but I think we are all doing pretty darn good at it.

It's hard being a step-dad.  Jackson, Mariah, Jalyn and Shane are great.  THEY don't make it hard.  It is just hard for me to know my place at times.  I think this is super normal for all step parents.  I remember eating pie with DeShelle and Mariah one night at a restaurant.  The server made a comment to Mariah about eating out with her parents and she was quick to point out "He is NOT my dad."  I made a joke out of it and told the server that "she was NOT my daughter."  We can laugh about it now, and I am glad that these 4 kids have a good dad, and that I get to be a cheerleader for them on their journey.  I am fortunate enough to have 4 amazing kids of my own that have a good mother and an awesome step-mom.

I want all 8 of my kids (both original flavor and step flavor)  to know that I love them.  I miss them when they aren't around.  I think of them often and pray for them each day.  They all hold a very special place in my heart, which is pretty great considering that I hate kids.  :)

I get to be a contributor...

I am glad that DeShelle invited me to be a contributor to our blog.  There are several reasons that I think this is important.

1.  I can set the record straight.  (You know how women are always romanticizing the truth)
2.  I can help the male followers of her blog see things from a mans perspective.  Also known as the "right" perspective.
3.  Most importantly, I can bring a bit of humor to the blog.  DeShelle is cute and witty, but I am pretty sure that I am the funny one.  She is the eye candy.  :)

There are many things that I love about my wife.  I love that she gets my sarcasm.  Sarcasm is a special sort of humor.  Those that use it often (like me) tend to use it at all the wrong times.  I am always saying the most inappropriate things at the wrong time.  Thank goodness she can just chuckle and roll her eyes at me, and I know I will still be loved when we get home.  This is a great example of a time that I can set the record straight... I can honestly say that when the man walked up to me and said that I had a lovely daughter (she is 14) and I freaked out on him and was like... "what do you mean I have a lovely daughter, why you looking at my daughter?"  DeShelle jumped between us and was like... "Zane, the Bishop was just saying..."  See... without her, how was I supposed to know?

I think one of my favorite things about DeShelle is that she is a great friend and a wonderful servant of the Lord.  She is always looking for things to do for others and I absolutely love her for this.  I know that there are a lot of great people in the world, but I was lucky enough to grab one of the best.

I hope that as you read this blog and DeShelle talks about why the title of the blog is "we like to call it fate..." that it will become clear which one of us believes in fate, and which one of us calls it a "fluke."  Here's a hint... I also believe in dinosaurs.  One thing that DeShelle is certain never existed.  I am pretty sure that if you ask her, she will say that all those bones in Vernal and the ones that reside at Thanksgiving Point are just a fluke.  :)

Chatting for hours...

True to his word, MagicMan007 got back on ldssingles.com that Friday night when he got back to his hotel room. I learned later that he faked exhaustion to his co-workers so he could get back to his room to talk to me. I was already online chatting with some other fellows. I wanted to stick to my plan of "casting my net wide." Two of the conversations I was having were not interesting to me. One guy lived in Alaska and the other was struggling to have a conversation with me. It was like pulling teeth. There was another who seemed nice enough and we made arrangements to go on a date in two weeks. But then MagicMan007 got online and the conversation was so FUN! He was witty, entertaining, confident, and charming. The conversation just FLOWED. We had so much fun chatting.

Side note...I need to mention this part of the story because it pertains to something that happens later...

My kids were all with their dad that night but at some point every single one of them stopped by to get clothes or hairspray or shoes or something. They asked what I was doing, I told them. They have laughed at my escapades and I didn't keep my online dating a secret. I wanted them to know what I was doing and learning. They got a kick out of these "old" people using technology to connect. That is something just for the young kids.

This particular night, my oldest was on a first date. He stopped by after the date to grab stuff and let me know how it went. He had a great time. Then he told me why he went on that first date. He already had plans to take this girl to the Prom the next weekend. He told me that he wanted the option to kiss her good night but you CAN'T KISS on the FIRST DATE so he was getting it out of the way the weekend before. What a SLY little dog!! Smart thinking on his part. (To his credit, he had a great time at Prom but did NOT kiss the girl goodnight. Good for him!)

After he left, I told MagicMan007 what I had just heard from my son...we got a good chuckle out of it and that led to more conversation. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing out loud at the conversation I was having with this man. I was interested. At some point during our conversation, I asked him to send me another photo of himself. He had only posted one on his profile and you just CAN'T get a good idea of someone with just one picture. His buddy took a picture and sent it over. I was a little confused! He did NOT look like the picture on his profile. I put the pictures side-by-side. I guess there was some similarities in there. I still found him handsome. He still intrigued me.

We talked for hours. I think we finally got off around midnight and there was not one boring moment. Getting back on ldssingles.com seemed like the right decision to make and I am grateful I was prompted to do it. I think Heavenly Father had his hand in this. Or else it was just a really weird COINCIDENCE.

Don't be quick to judge...

I remember the first time it happened in the 9th grade. I had switched schools in the middle of the school year and was nervous about starting a new school. I had a few friends in the school but I didn't know anyone in my Biology class. I walked into the class, took a look around, and quickly assessed the situation. I don't want to sit by THAT person, they don't look smart. I don't want to sit by THAT person, they look too smart. I quickly made many judgements and tried to find the best seat. I don't remember who I sat by but I remember realizing that I misjudged them. Heavenly Father was trying to teach me a lesson. It has happened again and again in my life as I try to make my way in this world. Almost every single time, I have thought to myself, "Shellee, you shouldn't be so quick to judge. Everyone has something positive to contribute. Don't be so hasty." 

I am a slow learner...

Fast forward to April 2013. I have been divorced for almost 3 years. I had just gotten out of a complicated, long-distance relationship about 4 months previous. I was healing and re-evaluating what I wanted in my life. I knew I wanted to date. I knew I wanted to get married again. The first time I got on ldssingles.com, I met some great friends. I went on some interesting dates. I almost never said no and if the date was okay, I always agreed to a second date. (It is too hard to get a clear idea of someone on a first date.) So, now I find myself on the precipice of dating again. I got back on ldssingles.com and I vividly remember thinking to myself, "Cast your net wide. Something good will come back.". So I did.

I looked at pictures and read profiles. I wanted to find the man in the picture attractive but I didn't limit myself to a certain hair color or number of kids or anything. Personality, emotional connection, ability to communicate are more important to me at this stage of the game. I was BOLD! I found some men that seemed interesting to me and I reached out to them. I sent them "smiles". 

One in particular was MagicMan007. He wasn't what I would immediately have looked at previously...he was BALD!! But his profile intrigued me and I "smiled" at him. Apparently, he got notifications on his phone and he was immediately notified that someone had "smiled" at him. He was working out of town and only had his phone with him at the time. He saw that I was online and sent me an instant message. The interface on his phone with ldssingles.com was terrible and we were having a hard time communicating. He asked if he could connect up again with me that evening when he got back to his hotel and had access to his laptop. I readily agreed and we got offline. 

I joined ldssingles.com on April 10, 2013.
I "smiled" at MagicMan007 on April 12, 2013.